Dealing with your anger !!

Dealing with your anger

 We all know what anger is, and

we've all felt it: whether as a

fleeting annoyance or as

full-fledged rage. Anger is a

completely normal, usually

healthy, human emotion. But

when it gets out of control and

turns destructive, it can lead to

problems—problems at work, in your personal

relationships, and in the overall quality of your

life. And it can make you feel as though you're

at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful

emotion. And being civilized human beings

everyone should get hold over this powerful

emotion.

People use a variety of both conscious and

unconscious processes to deal with their angry

feelings. The three main approaches are

expressing, suppressing, and calming.

Expressing your angry feelings in an

assertive—not aggressive—manner is the

healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you

have to learn how to make clear what your

needs are, and how to get them met, without

hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean

being pushy or demanding; it means being

respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then

converted or redirected. This happens when

you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it,

and focus on something positive. The aim is to

inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it

into more constructive behaviour. The danger

in this type of response is that if it isn't

allowed outward expression, your anger can

turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward

may cause hypertension, high blood pressure,

or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other

problems. It can lead to pathological

expressions of anger, such as

passive-aggressive behaviour (getting back at

people indirectly, without telling them why,

rather than confronting them head-on) or a

personality that seems perpetually cynical and

hostile. People who are constantly putting

others down, criticizing everything, and making

cynical comments haven't learned how to

constructively express their anger. Not

surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many

successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This

means not just controlling your outward

behaviour, but also controlling your internal

responses, taking steps to lower your heart

rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings

subside.

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep

breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm

down angry feelings. There are books and

courses that can teach you relaxation

techniques, and once you learn the techniques,

you can call upon them in any situation. If you

are involved in a relationship where both

partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good

idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

* Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm;

breathing from your chest won't relax you.

* Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as

"relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself

while breathing deeply.

* Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience,

from either your memory or your imagination.

* Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can

relax your muscles and make you feel much

calmer.

* Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use

them automatically when you're in a tense

situation.

Remember, you cannot eliminate anger—and

it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite

of all your efforts, things will happen that will

cause you anger; and sometimes it will be

justifiable anger. Life will be filled with

frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable

actions of others. You can't change those; but

you can change the way you let such events

affect you.